awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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