my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
