All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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