Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
