Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
