I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
