May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
