Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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