I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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