Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
