Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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