She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
