High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
