I will die if light touches me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
