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I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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