I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
