Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
