So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Fuck me I smell like cheese
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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