My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
