A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize