You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
