Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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