brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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