...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
