Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
