dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
