Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
