think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
