This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
