i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
