Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
