i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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