those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
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In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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