I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
