Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
