I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
