you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
