____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
