I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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