make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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