i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
