He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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