I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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