Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
