She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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