summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
