Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
