Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
