hotel room ftw
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When did angry sex become our thing?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Randomize
