you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
