the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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