I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
