is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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