maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
