4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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