The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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