You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
