things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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