I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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