I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
