let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
you never un-have a 4some
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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